Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
