she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
