I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
