i permit you to call me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
