Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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