Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we made out on top of his cat.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
