it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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