Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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