Pappa wants mamma naked
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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