are you so shy because you have an std?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
