Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
