I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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