two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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