I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
