literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
