What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I AM VODKA MAN
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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