Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my shit smells like andre
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
