Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
