just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
