drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
