dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
