it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
