$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
