Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
