She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
