He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
