maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
