can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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