There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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