one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
