Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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