When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
