You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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