He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
