He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
