so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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