It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
