it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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