So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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