I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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