i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
