Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
