I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
