so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
