I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she looked like the before picture.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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