Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
