I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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