worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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