Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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