my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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