you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
